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Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded in MAG: Monsters Against God's LiveJournal:

Friday, November 14th, 2003
5:08 pm
Monsters united Against an unloving Guttenberg!
From http://groups.yahoo.com/group/monstersagainstguttenberg/

For decades a question has been asked, not just by the average layman who delivers the newspaper or the fat man picking up the garbage, but by scholars and poets alike. Their anguished pleas have reverberated against the night sky as if in unison, calling out to the heavens and their alien overlords for an answer to this simple question.

"Guttenberg? Why?"

There is no simple answer to this, but in order to form a theory one must start researching the question itself.

Steve Guttenberg, born August 24th 1958 to starving Romanian/Polack parents, seems unremarkable enough in and of himself. His many film credits include such stellar box office hits as 1987's "Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol" and 2002's "P.S. Your Cat Is Dead". His charity work on behalf on the starving Romanian/Polack community in his hometown of Bugshit, OK would make him seem to be an A-OK guy. Outward appearances, sometimes, can be misleading...

to be continued.
Thursday, November 13th, 2003
10:11 pm
MAG newsletter #11
Welcome to MAG (Monsters Against God) newsletter #11.


In the maelstrom following the announcement of new MAG departments, the following leadership roles have been accepted:

Monsters Against Girls: Andrew
*Andrew is currently buying a rifle and plans to shoot every girl he sees. Good job!

Monsters Against Groups: El Bob
*The Bob is currently sharpening a pointy rock and plans to jab anyone he sees congregating in groups of 3 or more. Good job!

Monsters Against Guttenberg: Jef
*Jef is currently setting fires in Hollywood hoping to scorch the homes of anyone who may have met Steve Guttenberg at some point in their lives. Good job!

Monsters Against Ghosts: Pete
*Pete is currently putting on a proton backpack and will be using psychics in an effort to scare ghosts out of their celestial vortex homes and then fry them to death. Good Job!

Monsters Against Gus: Gary
Monsters Against Gary: Gus
*Gus and Gary are having a special swordfight at this very moment. Good job!

Monsters Against Gays: Nichol
Monsters Against Gorillas: Nichol
*Nichol is currently boarding a boat to Africa in an effort to stamp out it's ever growing homosexual gorilla population. Good job!

It's possible that even more department titles have been accepted by now, check MAG for all the updates you'll ever need.

With each new department wreaking havoc the world over, MAG's influence grows. Already MAG has graffitized Knott's Berry Farm and elected a member to the Governorship of the state of California, our next step is global MAGinization.

Today California, tomorrow the world!

Thank you for choosing MAG.
Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
8:34 pm
MAG FAQ version 1.0
Greetings chumps, suckers, rubes, and feebs! Welcome to the Haunt 2003 MAG FAQ. This service is provided to you by MAG. Onto MAG FAQ!

Q- What is MAG?
A- MAG (Monsters Against God) is a non-profit organization dedicated to providing a safe gathering place for Knott's monsters who don't wish to be banned from groups for having actual ideas and opinions.

Q- Does MAG leadership hate God?
A- Sure! Unless you don't consider atheistic ambivalence "hate" per se.

Q- Is MAG Satanic?
A- Maybe some members are, but who cares. That's not MAG's business.

Q- Can I join MAG?
A- Anyone who wants in is welcome during specific time periods and membership at other times depends on who you ask.

Q- Who should I ask about MAG membership?
A- That depends on who you know.

Q- Why do some MAG members use letters or numbers instead of names?
A- This is to dehumanize them and help them on the path to becoming a robotic killing machine.

Q- When/why did MAG start?
A- In April/because the Dominions list got incredibly stupid and needed an enema. It worked.

Q- What is "the Dominions list"?
A- Some horseshit that involves fangs and party invitations I think.

Q- Who is in charge of MAG?
A- Nobody! At least, not who anyone thinks. Nobody is truly in charge, MAG exists as a headless entity without direction, bumbling boldly into areas rarely seen by light and goodness.

Q- Does MAG love me?
A- Sure, why not. Just kiss MAG's ass and MAG will pretend to love you.

Q- What is MAGwear?
A- MAGwear is clothing emblazoned with MAGletters. Matching sweaters can already be seen on 3 members of MAG.

Q- What are MAG's MAGletters?
A- M, A, and G.

Q- What is the MAG star code for MAGwear?
A- 2 stars for BoEM (4 BoEM work at Haunt 2003), 1 star for JrWC (3 at Haunt 2003), all others can use as many or as few stars as they like, thus rendering the star code irrelevant!

Q- Who are BoEM and JrWC?
A- People in rubber masks.

Q- Do I have to be a wussy computer dick to be a member of MAG?
A- Absolutely not. All you need is a nod of approval from whichever MAGelder is around.

Q- Who are the MAGelders?
A- They're easy enough to spot if you look for more than 3 seconds.

Q- I think I saw MAGgraffitti in a couple mazes at Haunt 2003, did I?
A- Depends on where you looks. MAG markings are in at least a dozen places at Haunt 2003, how many have you seen?

Q- If MAG were to be offered a big payoff by a radical Christian organization to disgroup, would MAG stand up for it's beliefs or sell out?
A- Sell out.

That concludes MAG FAQ 2003. If you have more questions, please direct them to your local MAG representative, whoever that may be.

MAG Minister of Information.
Thank You For Choosing MAG.
Sunday, July 6th, 2003
4:29 pm
BoEM narneque 2 results
First up, let me mention the new BOEMMAG AIM name in case anyone wants to call me bad names.

Yesterday went well, I believe. Always a shock to see people actually show up at the Krueger ranch for any reason. Food was served and some people actually ate. There was a great deal of videogame playing and hiding in air conditioned rooms taking place and a good enough time was seemingly had by most.

Table hockey champs of the day (based on the final victory of the day as no tournament took place this time) were Mr Kevin and Jason. Let's applaud their efforts in winning 5-4 after trailing 4-0 against the team of Mr Pete and Nicky Joe. It was a tainted victory, as 2 goals were disallowed because the gumball popped out of the net instead of staying in, but these things happen sometimes and nobody likes a sore loser.

Table hockey champs list:
Gus' birthday/housewarming: Mr Adrian and Mr Pete
Narneque #1: Mr Pete and Mr Gus
Narneque #2: Jason and Mr Kevin

Fusion Frenzy Sumo Balls first-to-5 winner:
Narneque #2: Nicky Joe
*In the future this should be expanded to a first-to-10 game, perhaps including up to 8 people.

BoEM/M.A.G. awaits a future Haunt dodgeball game to further prove their athletic and intellectual superiority. It pleases us to hear that your M.A.G. hero Mr Gary violated the competition in the recent Haunt picnic dodgeball challenge.

Although the M.A.G. egroup may be hibernating, M.A.G. plans are constantly being formulated. Some new plans were unveiled last night to an enthusiastic private audience. These will be revealed to the general public at a later date.
Monday, June 16th, 2003
4:34 pm
MAG/LJ exclusive content #3

Monster hire, monster rehire, and Haunt build job info.

Thank you for choosing MAG.
3:38 pm
MAG Newsletter #7/State Of The MAG Address 2003
M.A.G. (Monsters Against God) newsletter #7.

Hello MAG, cowardly secret fans of MAG, and resentful humorless babies. Welcome to the very first State Of The MAG Address as presented by BoEM and Maxim hair color for men.

MAG has now existed for nearly 2 months, that's over 1 year in dog time, and to celebrate this anniversary we will reflect upon the many accomplishments of MAG.

*Strengthened monster unity.
*Heightened monster discord.
*Removal of religious discussion in Dominions.
*Duran Duran reunion.
*Introduction of new expletives designed expressly for MAG affiliates.

MAG has also been represented in various media including (but not limited to) television, print, graffiti, and radio. This will all continue with no forseeable end. The highlight of which as follows:
*The MAG gang signal was seen on ABC-TV (flashed by your MAG hero, our own resident naked posterboy Mr Question).

Like it, loathe it, feel indifferent and bored by it, or just try to ignore it away, MAG is here to stay. In the planning stages (some nearly completed) are:
*MAG buttons (1 basic design, 1 request only design).
*MAG polo shirt.
*MAG patch.
*(top secret MAG project).
*MAGonline http://www.geocities.com/mv723/index.html expansion.

MAG will be a force at this year's upcoming Halloween Haunt! All details are top secret at press time. Ideas underway include:
*(top secret MAG project).
*(top secret MAG project).
*(top secret MAG project).

In MAGyahoo there have been many fine discussions of late. Want to know where BoEM and allies plan to set up shop this year? MAGyahoo holds clues and details! Will a Bayou return be in order? Will The Underground be the new home of happiness? Will there be a full scale attempt to make Lore a good maze? Don't listen to rumors or speculation. MAGyahoo holds the key. All are welcome, all is allowed.

Have a Live Journal? Befriend MAG and the "favor" will be returned. MAGjournal includes exclusive MAGfun.

The state of MAG is this: MAG is strong, growing, and will eventually morph into something so big and annoying that it might have to be quarantined and destroyed! That, jerks, is the MAG way.

MAG knows who got Brad fired!
Thank you for choosing MAG.
-BoEM and related effects.
Monday, June 9th, 2003
1:20 pm
MAG newsletter #6: Birth of MAGbaby!
M.A.G. (Monsters Against God) newsletter #6.

Lots of MAG news to share! The movement continues to grow on a weekly basis and MAG thanks all MAG members for their courage and intelligence. Truly, you will be rewarded in the afterworld.

MAGonline: First up, MAGonline got a budget increase and another $1,300 was spent in an effort to bring you an update. There is a slight change to some of the photos adorning the main page, a linked page with all of the MAGclassic reasons to hate God pictures has been added, but all of pales when compared to the majestic birth of MAGbaby, our true saviour! Check out MAGonline for all the details you need!

MAGlanguage: when feeling the need to utter an expletive involving the name of the mystical ghost in the sky, simply substitutue the word MAG in it's place. Here are some helpful examples for you:
*MAGdammit! The dog peed in the kitchen again!
*Oh MAG, I think I left the keys in the trunk.
*I'm going to kill every one of those MAGdamned ants.

The word "lord" may still be used, mostly because the words "gaylord" and "cocklord" are too special to be messed with.

MAGbuttons: They will be a reality soon (right after MAG gets a decent printer). Designs under consideration right now include haunted Peter Brady (as seen on MAGonline) and haunted Trisha Elerding. Possibly both. They won't cost anything and will be nice buttons (we hope). These are only for MAG members. If MAGbaby allows us to use his image on a button, that might happen as well.

Thank you for choosing MAG.
Friday, June 6th, 2003
10:13 pm
MAG/LJ exclusive content #2
I wrote another LaParka miniseries. It's 5 parts and I'm actually pretty proud of this particular story. Feel free to experience the magic:

part 1
part 2
part 3
part 4
part 5

LaParka is a character I sort of stole from wrestling, mutated into something I felt was really funny, and used on epinions (a crappy review website) for a few months, eventually being banned but not until I'd made about $400 off of their sorry stupid asses.

Typos intended, bad grammer intended, mutilated english intended, incoherance intended. Enjoy.
Sunday, June 1st, 2003
7:14 pm
4:35 pm
M.A.G. newsletter #5
M.A.G. (Monsters Against God) newsletter #5.

Things are hopping in MAGville, as we are now 15 members strong. Not only has MAG invaded television's Jimmy Kimmel show, but we now boast one of the highest membership totals anywhere in Yahoo groups! MAG is on the march and it's only a matter of time until your institutions crumble, your deities tumble, and society falls flat in an effort to appease it's new MAG masters.

Finally, after months of planning and a budget in excess of $25,000, the official MAG website is finally up and running.

WARNING: This website is very technicologilistically advanced and unless you have a very good computer and all the latest graphics doodads installed, MAGonline may very well crash your computer so hard that it may never work again. View with extreme caution. Features included on this site are important MAG links and photos, including a shot of your MAG hero Mr Q as seen on TV.

The next advertised MAG greeting point on July 16th, as the reformed original lineup of Duran Duran will be performing a special concert in Costa Mesa to lend their support in the war against religious tyranny, conformity, and many other things we will decide upon at a later date.

Now, I realize you jealous morons must be thinking "MAG is happening. I wish I were a part of this exciting and sexy cultural revolution! If only they'd let a dopey dick like me join the battle against God and the concept of God". Well guess what? You can join MAG and best of all, it's free! That's right stupid, all you have to do to join is simply join. We will accept you, even if you are stinky or a total dip, MAG loves all.

MAG is a byproduct of BoEM Inc. Join MAG today and get in touch with your inner you.

Thank you for choosing M.A.G.
Saturday, May 17th, 2003
4:44 pm
M.A.G. Newsletter #4
Hello comrades and other homosexual Nazis.

Last night was a rousing success as the war on God took a sexy turn as 4 of your popular and beloved MAG heroes appeared on television's decidely unpopular Jimmy Kimmel show. Mr Question's apeman face graved our screens a few times, causing Luke Perry to ask "who was that guy?" I envy Mr Question, as I have stalked Luke Perry for years and never gotten any response at all. As we were all there to see Mr Luke Perry flirt with that big girl who had a cigar inserted in her poon, it was a great surprise when we found out the musical guest was Marilyn Manson. A BoEM pit was formed and barely shown on TV, but it did exist and it was a thing of glory. The show was taped and I am assured we will have stills from it quite soon. Queen Sandy was even there, possibly lending her support to the battle against God.

In other news, the E3 convention was also a rousing success as Mr Gus and Mr Peter managed to grab 125 large bags of free videogame and movie promo garbage. There was supposedly a planned zombie of E3 being planned. No such event took place. Instead, I met Matt Groening and he was nice, causing me to get all giddy like some stupid little girl. There was a rather unfortunate Josh sighting at E3, but we did not allow this to ruin what was otherwise a fantastic 3 deafening days of migranes, mascots, and masturbation jokes.

In further MAG news, tonight at Bar Sinister is Trish's birthday party. Watch Trish drink, drink Trish drink! Watch Trish fall, fall Trish fall! Listen to her theories on astrophysics as she sinks further and further into inebriation. Kidnap her Baby Pumpkinhead and hide it in a toilet.

It has come to our attention that Dax kicks more ass than is humanly possibly. I believe it is true. With MAG, all things are possible.

Thank you for choosing MAG
Saturday, April 26th, 2003
4:46 pm
M.A.G. newsletter volume 1 #3.
M.A.G. newsletter volume 1 #3.

In accordance with laws nobody bothered to announce or even figure out, it is with great pride that I announce the following official M.A.G. Ministry positions, effective now until the end of time (shown in alphabetical order). By being among the first 13 members of M.A.G., we are all blessed to be assigned 2 important jobs each in this, the dawning of our new facist era or monster empowerment.

Adrian: Minister of justice & amputation
Bigbomber: Minister of exploded monster trucks & bribes
Blackbyrd: Minister of the aviarys & donkey hunting
Dax: Minister of salt conservation & landmines
Gus: Minister of culture & Chief dog-catcher
Ihateadrianromo: Minister of apathy & Chief head shaver
Jane: Minister of the midgetry & fetal experimentation
Mike: Minister of defense & sweatgland research
Patti: Minister of surveillance with regard to vampire maze activity & big shoes
Peter: Minister of information & genetic engineering
Question: Minister of contraception & contact lenses
Riff: Minister of political assassination & karaoke
Trish: Minister of alcohol, tobacco, and firearms

A big M.A.G. welcome to the lucky 13th member of M.A.G., Riff. It is now your turn to shave your head and change your name to a letter. Nobody has done it yet, but someone has to eventually, right?

It is with great remorse that M.A.G. takes the rest of the weekend off. Remember to shake your fist and curse toward the sky, maybe some fantastical spooky phantom is watching fearfully.

Thank you for choosing M.A.G.
-BoEM inc ltd CCCP
Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003
4:49 pm
M.A.G. newsletter #2
Welcome to M.A.G. newsletter #2.

All rejoice! There is much activity on the front! Not only are the ranks of M.A.G. engorged with new members (more than doubling in size over a mere 12 hour period), but an entire arts movement has sprung up to support this Holy War against the unpleasant beared fairy in the sky. Not only does M.A.G. now have an official theme song composed exclusively for Operation W.O.G. (War On God), but there is also a M.A.G. film already in production! Truly, ours are the blessed among you.

M.A.G. membership is free and open to anyone, even if you have poor grammar skills and are balding or smelly. M.A.G. accepts you! Join today!


Many more exciting M.A.G. news items are brewing, so be sure to read each and every issue of M.A.G. newsletter for important updates you cannot live without!

Thank you for choosing M.A.G.
Tuesday, April 22nd, 2003
4:52 pm
M.A.G. Monsters Against God newsletter. Volume 1 # 1.
M.A.G. Monsters Against God newsletter. Volume 1 # 1.


M.A.G.amania is taking North America by storm! Already 3 members and growing! This, fiends, is your chance to get in on the ground floor of the hottest and sultriest group ever known to civilized culture!

By joining M.A.G., you, fools, will be enlisting in an elite Monster academy that is designed to not only train Monsters, but to also enrich their lives with the knowledge of the famed BoEM (the Brotherhood of Evil Monsters). You will be privy to such secrets as "who owns the suspect?", "who loses all their girlfriends to the BoEM?", and "who rigs all the awards at the Haunt banquet every year?". You will also be keyed in on such hot happenings as BoEM illegal fireworks jaunts to Mexico, mini golf outings, and the like. WOW. We will try to help you to become a better monster, but individual results depend entirely upon your dedication to the cause, your ability to withstand intense physical pain, and your willingness to steal girlfriends from that one guy alluded to previously.

The M.A.G. is not the BoEM. The BoEM doesn't exist and never did. But, by joining M.A.G., you can and will be considered for possible BoEM roster expansion in the future if you pass the many vile and unsightly... not to mention rigorous and confusing... tests that will be set in your path. Membership in M.A.G. will also make you elligible for discounts on such popular official BoEM merchandise as the classic "UltimateHaunt.Sucks" shirt and these soon to be classic shirts:
"Halloween Haunt Sucks"
"I Rejected Camp Snoopy And All I Got Was This Queer T Shirt"
"Don't Hang Out With Maze Monsters"
"Be Nice To Me Or I'll Kill Myself"

M.A.G. membership is currently open to ANYONE, no matter how dumb or ugly you may be, and all you have to do to join is just join! Yes jerks, it's THAT EASY! OH GOODY! Be warned however, that this open membership deal is strictly limited and we will be removing the open membership very very soon. Very soon. And that'll be it. Honest. We're not kidding.

Show your disdain for an unloving and unsympathetic God today by doing the right thing, the thing you and I and your God all know you truly want to do... gain the BoEM's begrudging respect by joining M.A.G. today!
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