MAG: Monsters Against God (boemmag) wrote,
MAG: Monsters Against God

M.A.G. Monsters Against God newsletter. Volume 1 # 1.

M.A.G. Monsters Against God newsletter. Volume 1 # 1.

M.A.G.amania is taking North America by storm! Already 3 members and growing! This, fiends, is your chance to get in on the ground floor of the hottest and sultriest group ever known to civilized culture!

By joining M.A.G., you, fools, will be enlisting in an elite Monster academy that is designed to not only train Monsters, but to also enrich their lives with the knowledge of the famed BoEM (the Brotherhood of Evil Monsters). You will be privy to such secrets as "who owns the suspect?", "who loses all their girlfriends to the BoEM?", and "who rigs all the awards at the Haunt banquet every year?". You will also be keyed in on such hot happenings as BoEM illegal fireworks jaunts to Mexico, mini golf outings, and the like. WOW. We will try to help you to become a better monster, but individual results depend entirely upon your dedication to the cause, your ability to withstand intense physical pain, and your willingness to steal girlfriends from that one guy alluded to previously.

The M.A.G. is not the BoEM. The BoEM doesn't exist and never did. But, by joining M.A.G., you can and will be considered for possible BoEM roster expansion in the future if you pass the many vile and unsightly... not to mention rigorous and confusing... tests that will be set in your path. Membership in M.A.G. will also make you elligible for discounts on such popular official BoEM merchandise as the classic "UltimateHaunt.Sucks" shirt and these soon to be classic shirts:
"Halloween Haunt Sucks"
"I Rejected Camp Snoopy And All I Got Was This Queer T Shirt"
"Don't Hang Out With Maze Monsters"
"Be Nice To Me Or I'll Kill Myself"

M.A.G. membership is currently open to ANYONE, no matter how dumb or ugly you may be, and all you have to do to join is just join! Yes jerks, it's THAT EASY! OH GOODY! Be warned however, that this open membership deal is strictly limited and we will be removing the open membership very very soon. Very soon. And that'll be it. Honest. We're not kidding.

Show your disdain for an unloving and unsympathetic God today by doing the right thing, the thing you and I and your God all know you truly want to do... gain the BoEM's begrudging respect by joining M.A.G. today!
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